Ignore This

Hey dear, in front of the monitor.. Why does your eyes looks swollen? Did you put something on it? Or anything else? Dear, all.. I have my 3rd bad cry. Worst cry. I've never felt so messy like this. When I try to build my life back, something happened and.. Everything's gone! It just like a dust blown by the wind. Too easy to blown. I am broken again, guys! Can you feel it? I'm FAILED again!! What a mess! I was very optimist when I did it, but finally.. Yeah, I'm cursed to be a failed person. I don't know what's wrong with my life. Maybe there were some faults inside of myself. Or.. I don't know! I don't wanna blame anyone, including God Itself. I'm just thinking what will happen with me if I take the same way. Gosh.. I don't understand with myself. There still something error in it. I broken my lovely parent's heart, I can't make something that can make them proud of me, and now.. I'm the poor one..

I’m thinking about you so much…time doesn’t stop for me My empty heart still can’t find your feelings I can never draw the same picture twice But my emotions are just repeating over and over again Let me listen to your “love song.” I stared at your profile I want to know about you, now that I’ve met you No matter how lonely I get, I have a feeling we’ll meet again I don’t need a reason; I know I can’t turn back With the way it is now, I’ll just become a part of your memory, right? My emotions shone like the depths of tears… Let me listen to your “love song.” Your profile… I understand there’s a person you’re gazing at right in front of you but… Please give me wings and believe that, just as with this song, I swear I’ve decided to accept all the past I hum the “love song”…I want to touch your smiling face Even though I know that there’s someone you’re gazing at My “love song” never ends - I’ve already met you …It never will end… >> Lagu ini yang jadi polemik! Ah, sial! Kenapa haru...

As my Dad said, aku itu orangnya emang care. Bahkan terlalu care dengan kehidupan di luar sana. Ya, kata beliau juga, itu memang kelebihanku. Tapi itu juga yang menjadi kekuranganku. Orang tuakulah yang tahu segala perasaanku. Mereka sahabat terbaik yang pernah aku miliki sekarang. Bahkan di saat aku down seperti ini pun, dengan tegas mereka memperingatkanku. 'Sikap pedulimu itulah yang merugikanmu. Akan ada saatnya kamu bertindak egois.' Otousan said that. Care. Apa yang salah? Aku hanya menempatkan diriku pada situasi dimana aku ingin menjadi sahabat yang terbaik untuk mereka-mereka yang (mungkin) membutuhkan hadirku di samping mereka. Bukan berarti aku juga harus dipedulikan oleh mereka. Namun, apa setia kawan itu salah? Berteman itu jangan terlalu dekat. Bisa saja teman itu berubah menjadi musuh. -Ayah Yes, Dad! I felt it. Bukan mereka yang menjadi musuh bagiku, tapi aku yang berubah menjadi musuh buat mereka. Setelah kejadian yang berturut-turut menimpaku akhir-akhir in...

Ya Allah, doaku saat ini hanya satu.. Aku hanya ingin membanggakan mereka yang sedang mengharapkan hasil yang memuaskan dariku.. Aku tahu hanya Engkau yang bisa menjawab semua pintaku.. Aku tahu hanya Engkau yang mampu memberi ketenangan dalam jiwaku.. Aku tahu hanya Engkau yang tahu masa depanku.. Ya Allah, masih adakah lagi ujian yang akan Engkau timpakan kepadaku? Aku percaya, Engkau memberi semua ini untuk menguji keimanan hamba.. Aku percaya, ada yang lebih indah dari semua yang Engkau ujikan kepada hamba.. Ya Allah, beri hamba ketabahan dan keikhlasan.. Hamba hanya perlu kekuatan untuk menghadapi ini.. Ya Allah, jauhkan hamba dari sifat tercela yang merusak hati hamba.. Hilangkanlah sifat itu dari hati hamba.. Hamba tidak mau perasaan ini membuat siapa pun menjauh dari hamba.. Ya Allah, ikhlaskan hamba.. :(

Starting from nothing The life with anonymous The light is so dark And you're getting so alone Nothing is right Nothing of whatever It just so alone with myself Hanging in the sky with a couple of broken wings Like the curious of a mystery in life Going with an awkward of a stupid soul It's over.. an anonymous of crazy thing I'm tired at all By : Pa'i One of my fav poem from my best friend, Pa'i. Such a nice depressed poem. At 2 last sentence was my fav parts. Eh, maybe at last sentence. Yeah, I'm tired, now. I don't care what's happening with my eyes, since I cried last night. Maybe I was changing to be a Chinese. Haha.. This is my 2nd bad cry ever. :( Can you imagine how's your feeling when you know : 1. You failed on your national examination for joining college and your friend did success, and 2. You failed accepted in your scholarship (as you were very hoping for) and your friend did success too? Well, I'm going to dead. Seems like no luck i...